Playlist

batcii:

give me first year sirius spouting the offensive rhetoric he’s been brought up on and being confused when peter is silent and uncomfortable and james looks at him like he doesn’t know him and remus doesn’t speak to him for a few days 

give me sirius deeply conflicted about being in gryffindor and completely shattered that his cousins won’t even look at him in the the great hall 

give me sirius of the Noble and Ancient House of Black proud and stubborn and fighting with james for days and ignoring the little (giant) seed of doubt he feels in his own resolve

give me remus finally snapping and demanding that sirius “stop using that word I don’t care if you come from a shitty family and if you’re trying, you need to try harder”

give me sirius going home for christmas and flinching at the dinner table conversation and not being able to explain why he can’t finish his meal because his stomach is in knots

give me sirius desperately trying to talk to regulus about how “have you ever thought that maybe mum and dad aren’t right about blood status and stuff?” but receiving nothing but confusion and a blank stare from his little brother

give me second year sirius watching the sorting and begging, begging that regulus is put anywhere but slytherin so that maybe he won’t be alone in this sure but steady exile

give me remus and james and peter spending the entire feast trying to distract him from the whooping and back patting amongst his family on the opposite side of the room

give me sirius asking remus about his parents and working really hard to educate himself and being utterly livid with himself when he fucks up

give me sirius speaking up against his parents for the first time at Grimmauld Place and his heart rate picks up and his knees go numb under the table when he finally manages to say “well actually my friend remus is half-blood and he’s really smart!” and the churning mix of shame and anger he feels at his family’s sneers later when he’s trying to sleep

give me sirius desperately trying to talk his family about it, and his growing frustration as he meets wall after wall and his anger just grows and grows 

give me sirius simultaneously so proud and so sad as he watches andromeda’s name burned off the family tree; thinking about how lonely christmas will be without her there

GIVE ME TINY TEENAGER SIRIUS BLACK REALISTICALLY STRUGGLING WITH HIS BELIEFS AND EMOTIONS ABOUT CUTTING HIMSELF OFF FROM THE PEOPLE WHO RAISED AND LOVED AND ULTIMATELY REJECTED HIM